


I've Loved You All Along

by cutaebun



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Season/Series 04, Post-The Final Problem, Sibling Incest, Suicide Attempt, holmescest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 19:53:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12327741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutaebun/pseuds/cutaebun
Summary: After Sherrinford, Sherlock avoided his brother : he had been so horrible with Mycroft to hide his forbidden love that his sibling had thought him dying would be better than John's death.But when he learns that his brother tried to kill himself, Sherlock rushes to his side. Why did Mycroft do that ? And will the brothers be able to be honest with each other ?





	I've Loved You All Along

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scarletmanuka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletmanuka/gifts), [LadyGlinda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGlinda/gifts), [multifandom_fanatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandom_fanatic/gifts), [Tikatikox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tikatikox/gifts).



> So, I was looking in my "Sherlock" file, and I saw a picture of Sherlock on the ground against a safety barrier from "The Lying Detective", at the end of the night spent with Faith/Eurus.  
> Aaaand I got this angsty idea.... x)  
> I gift this work to the ones who push me to write more than the first part, because without them, well first I wouldn't ship Mylock and two, I wouldn't have post this !
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it >w<

Sherlock went for a walk, hoping it would help him clear his mind.

What happened in Sherrinford was spoiling his Mind Palace : it was in every room, every corner. Mycroft ready to give his life, so his brother won't lose his best friend. He truly believed Sherlock would shoot him. And Sherlock turned the gun to his own head.

  
He loved Mycroft. In a total, non-brotherly way. And for years : he didn't even remember not being in love with his brother.

Back to when he was a child, it had been innocent : Mycroft had been the only who mattered. Not that his parents hated him, but they couldn't understand him like Mycroft did.

But puberty had brought wet dreams, and suddenly, Sherlock couldn't bear being close to Mycroft. Because what it felt was wrong, disgusting, immoral... And since he couldn't bear losing his brother, he had decided to hide his feelings in a special, reinforced room and to never show them to anyone.

Instead, he acted like he despised him, like he was just a bother. And because of that, Mycroft had been ready to sacrifice himself.

It has been few weeks since Sherrinford, and Sherlock was so angry at himself for what happened, for making Mycroft feel like he was nothing, that he was actively avoiding him now.

  
A ringtone made him leave his thoughts, and he answered the phone right away "Yes ?"  
"Your brother is at the hospital. He tried to kill himself" said Anthea.  
And Sherlock fell on the ground, feeling so numb he wondered if he hadn't die from a heart attack as well.

*********

 

It took Sherlock a while to go to the hospital, because the pain he felt was too much. It was overwhelming.

He didn’t even feel like he was controlling his body. It moved by himself. He was too busy self-loathing : he couldn’t find any reason Mycroft would want to kill himself, except because of himself.

 

When he finally arrived, Anthea was waiting for him. She didn’t say anything about how destroyed Sherlock looked, just making him sit down on one of the chairs.

She probably explained him what happened exactly, but Sherlock’s ears were buzzing. He couldn’t focus on anything but his guilt and his worry. And only Mycroft mattered.

 

After what felt like an eternity, a doctor came to them and Sherlock did his best to focus on what he was saying. When he heard that Mycroft’s condition was stable, his heart began to beat again, and his mind was less clouded. He didn’t focus on the details of his brother’s injuries though : he wanted to see him, to note Mycroft’s survival by himself.

“May… I see him ?” He asked, not sounding like himself at all – his voice was weak, broken.

Luckily for him, the doctor agreed as long as he was the only one going. Mycroft was still unconscious, but they didn’t want to risk overwhelming him when he’d wake up.

 

The room was plain, and there was a heavy scent of antiseptic, so strong it made his head hurts. And it was too cold, too impersonal. Nothing like Mycroft should be.

Speaking of Mycroft, seeing him worried Sherlock more than reassuring him. His brother was so pale his freckles were more than noticeable, and he had huge shadows under his eyes. He was also connected to an ECG machine, as well as a drip and a blood pouch.

His wrists and forearms were covered by bandages. He must have slit them then. Which wasn’t the way Sherlock thought he would : it was slow, painful. A bullet in his head, or pills would have been more efficient. Though, Sherlock was glad it failed.

 

Feeling like he was going to pass out, Sherlock sat down on the chair next to the bed. He realized he was shaking, but that wasn’t surprising considering the situation. Who wouldn’t be under shock, having the only person they love hospitalized because they tried to kill themselves ?

He tried to take deep breaths, to calm himself down, but his respiration was shaky like he was going to break down at any moment. He stopped after few attempts, knowing he wouldn’t be calm until he saw Mycroft awake. He could just wait then.

 

*********

 

Sherlock must have fallen asleep waiting because when he opened his eyes, the room was dark and it was the middle of the night. Or he had passed out, but honestly, it didn’t matter to him.

When he turned his head towards the bed, he froze. Mycroft was wide awake and staring at him. Immediately Sherlock sat up straight, used to put on a mask in front of his brother, though it was useless now.

 

“Why are you here ?” asked Mycroft, with a weak voice, yet with authority. Apparently, he was being the Iceman even after what happened. Sherlock wasn’t even surprised by that : as The Government, Mycroft liked to have control on everything.

 

“Why did you want to take your own life ?”

 

Sherlock saw in his brother’s eyes than he was taken aback by the question. Did he really thought the detective wouldn’t want explanations ? Or worse, that he wouldn’t care at all ? Did his brother really lose any kind of trust or confidence in him ?

 

“Even if I explained, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Well, we won’t know if you don’t try, dear.”

 

By the way Mycroft looked at him – more than surprised, Sherlock had let out the pet name without even thinking about it. It was the second time it happened : the first time had been at Sherrinford but since everyone had been worked up, they never talked about it.

For few minutes, the two brothers looked at each other in the eyes, both standing their grounds. Mycroft was the one giving up : he sighed and looked away, seeming resigned.

 

“I’ve failed on you, Sherlock. I let Eurus destroy you, play with you. The guilt of what happened… It just became too much to bear. Though, I must admit I wasn’t thinking about dying, otherwise I would have chosen something which would work.”

 

“How can you say something like that ?!” asked Sherlock, raising his voice in anger “Speaking of dying so easily… I thought you were intelligent enough to know you shouldn’t do something like that”

“And how could I, when the person who matters the most to me ran away ?”

 

Sherlock looked at Mycroft, surprised by his tone. He sounded so… Wounded. And depressed at the same time. He felt jealous : someone was important enough to Mycroft he’d feel guilty.

“Who ?” He asked, having enough self control so he won’t shout “Who is it ?”

 

The laugh that escaped Mycroft’s lips took him by surprise. He blinked, completely lost. Why was his brother laughing about ? He got his answer pretty quickly, luckily.

“And you still argue about who is the smartest between us...”

“What do you mean ?”

“I thought it was obvious enough. Yet you don’t seem to notice it….”

 

Sherlock tried hard to find who it could be. Who was close enough to Mycroft, yet disappeared from his life lately ? Who Mycroft cared about ? Who Mycroft loved so much he’d be willing to lose his life for them ?

“Oh.”

This last question made him find the answer. Well, it showed Sherlock could be thick when it came to himself.

 

“It’s me, isn’t it…?” He didn’t really need to ask, now that he had found the answer, it was obvious.

“Of course it is. It has always been you, Sherlock. Everything I do, everything I am is about you...” Mycroft sighed, shaking his head “I guess I’m dumb enough to think you’d notice.”

“But how can I matter so much, you’d kill yourself of guilt for me…? I don’t understand...”

 

Mycroft seemed to hesitate, but Sherlock wanted to know. Needed to know. And his brother must have understood it, as he spoke after few moments of silence.

“Because… I love you, Sherlock. I love you more than everything, and I couldn’t stand the fact that because of me, you suffered so much.”

 

“What…?” let out Sherlock, not recording what he had just heard. He couldn't… It couldn’t be true. It was a dream, surely. A nice dream, since having his feelings returned was good, but a dream. “You… Love me….?”

 

“I do, and it’s wrong, since it’s not in a brotherly way” sighed Mycroft “I was fine staying in the shadows. Monitoring your life from afar. Being sure you were happy and safe. But… This time, I put you there myself. If I hadn’t authorized Moriarty’s visit to Eurus, five years ago, none of that would have happened...”

 

“You… Love me. Romantically.” repeated Sherlock, still under the shock. He saw his brother rolling his eyes a bit at his words.

“I told you I do. Now, don’t bother yourself telling me how disgusting and immoral it is, I already-”

 

Sherlock had cut Mycroft short by pressing his lips against his. He hadn’t think much about it, he just… His brother loved him back. His feelings were mutual. And this kiss was feeling way too real of it to be a dream. Mycroft’s lips were just like he had imagined : soft, warm, and fitting perfectly against his own. And what was more amazing was that his kiss got returned by the one he loved.

When he pulled out because of the lack of oxygen, he saw one of the most beautiful sights. Mycroft’s pupils were dilated, and he was panting lightly, his lips slightly redder than before.

 

“I love you too, Mycroft. And for so long, I don’t even know what it feels like not being in love with you...” Sherlock whispered, as his words were a treasure to keep hidden “I’m sorry I was cold with you, I thought it was for the best. I thought that if I couldn’t be in love with you, then I should act like I despite you, to make things easier. And when you asked me to kill you, I was so angry at myself for making you feel like you were no one. That’s why I avoided you….”

 

Sherlock looked down in guilt and shame. He couldn’t deserve his brother’s love, after how he had treated him. Mycroft deserved so much better. Someone who would treat him like the rare gem he was, someone who would make him feel like he was the best.

The feeling of a hand against his cheek made him look up, and he saw love and worry in his sibling’s eyes. His heart warmed at the sight, though he still felt guilty.

 

“It’s okay, Lockie. You didn’t think I was returning your feelings. And to be honest, I did the same as you. So, please, don’t blame yourself too much...”

The nickname from their childhood, as well as the love Mycroft has showing made Sherlock nod. Since he was asking so nicely, he would be horrible to refuse this request.

Apparently Mycroft felt the guilt he was still thinking about because few seconds after, they were kissing again. And while it stayed soft, it was full of love and affection for each other – so much that Sherlock felt like he was drunk of his brother’s love.

 

“What… are we, now…?” He carefully asked once they were separated again, though Mycroft’s hand was still against his cheek.

“What do you want us to be ?” smiled his brother, fondly.

“I…. Can we be lovers…?” Sherlock’s voice was weak again, but more because he was scared of rejection than something else.

“Sure, if it’s what you want to” whispered Mycroft, before kissing him again – still softly and with all the care of the world, and it made Sherlock feel like he was precious.

 *********

In the eyes of the law, they couldn’t be together. Though they didn’t have to worry about possible offspring as they were both men. And sadly, they wouldn’t be able to tell about their relationship.

But it didn’t matter to Sherlock. As long as he had Mycroft by his side, returning his love and affection, he was ready to hide, ready to lie, ready to anything if it was for his beloved.

 


End file.
